Male Sexuality: Why Women Don't Understand It-And Men Don't Either

Our culture has a tendency to imagine men 'just' want sex and that there's no deeper psychology to why they want sex and why different men have different fantasies, fetishes, and desires. This misconception is worsened by the fact that from a young age men are encouraged repress and hide their feelings by parents, peers and the media as feelings are often considered 'feminine'. Thus men often don't admit to even themselves what deeper, usually unconscious, meaning there is behind many of their sexual preferences, but I think most of them would recognize some serious truths to be found among this book. The author explains how feelings of shame or guilt or fear of rejection, etc can lead to many different aspects of male sexuality and can easily cause problems like sexual anxiety, shutting down in the bedroom or needing to fantasize about other things during sex, overuse of porn, cheating, unusual fantasies, etc. He gives great examples of how misunderstandings on both sides of a couple can make it harder for to work through issues.The book also has plenty of interesting material about sexuality in general, and spends a lot of time talking about how pathogenic beliefs during childhood can affect what people find arousing as adults, using both male and female examples. Of course its main focus is male sexuality, but a better understanding of male sexuality has obvious benefits for both sexes. Still looking for a comparable book on female sexuality (if anyone has recommendations I'd love to hear them in the comments).Overall I would say this is the best book on sexuality I have read since Jack Morin's The Erotic Mind, and is similarly able to look objectively and analytically at subjects many are afraid to talk about.

I’m rewriting this review since my last one was not approved. I had referenced some of the material in the book, now I realize that material was too explicit for Amazons guidelines. We had to read this book for grad school for class. It is unfortunately based on one mans theory. Though his theory May be true for some, he postulates it is for everyone. Excused male cheating and demeaning behavior to women as an attempt to prove she is strong and not fragile. One could easily theorize the opposite that some men need to degrade women to see them as less of a threat. We got into it into more detail in my grad school class. Because there is flaw after flaw after flaw in this book.... but it is endorsed by Kim Cattrel who played a character on TV that had a lot of “S”. so..... it must be good. Lol. Horrible and repetitive. Again if he had written it with less ego, and shown where his theory works and where it does not, it would have been better. Also possibly including some facts, studies, etc that back up his theory.

We live in a society where everything evolves around sex. And as hard as it may be for some to comprehend, everyone has different preferences when it comes to sex. I had bought this book to understand my boyfriend and his love (or should I say addiction?) to porn. The book definitely explained most of his behavior and I understand now why he is so into it. Of course it is a different story as to what I will make of this... and if I want to accept him the way he is or if I want to move on. But the book definitely gives you great insight to all different aspects of why males act the way they do and why they prefer certain kind of sex over others.

The author of "Arousal", a practicing clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst, did a very good job in arguing against common wisdom that men are not "pigs", sexual opportunists, or callous exploiters of the "gentler sex." Rather, men's sexual proclivities and hung-ups often stem from an attempt to counter pathogenic bliefs stemming from the unconscious, and to attain that sexual happiness to which both genders legitimately aspire. I felt he validly upheld the difference betwen sadism and pathological deviances on the one hand, and the need to mantain a certain degree of ruthlessness and un-inhibited behavior, on the other hand.To demonize men's sexual behavior is to be close minded; one should rather strive to understand it. I felt this to be supremely true in the case of men struggling with fear of rejection and abandonment. Thus, decoding sexual fantasies and preferences (e.g., big breasted women, bondage, seduction, fetishes for skirts and heels) is a process that explores truths buried in the unconscious. I found the chapter on "Sexual Boredom and Infidelity" particularly insightful.

This is a good book. Long time I looked for this kind of book and couldn't find one. It is fast reading book even though the language is more difficult in comparison with Nancy Friday: Men in love. I enjoy reading either one

This is an outstanding book it has helped my understand things about myself that I was never able to process until the insights of this book reviled to me the root causes and has now given me control to be free of some feelings of guilt and responsibility that have plagued me all my life.

Pulls back the curtain on the dynamics of male sexuality and deepens our understanding of men's desires and fantasies. The author is a strong advocate for positive sexuality for both genders. Enlightening!

I would recommend this author to anyone interested in understanding better the female/male dynamics in any context. Insightful, just like his other book on arousal and fantasies.

Although Bader uses quite a clinical jargon and therefore the text is not always easy to understand, on the whole it makes sense to me. Very interesting research and insights about male sexuality.

Le tesi del libro mi sono parse brillanti e non convenzionali.Al contempo, molto (troppo?) dettate dall'intelletto. Astratte. Come la proiezione di un desiderio, più che una descrizione spassionata della realtà? Le confronti con le persone che conosci, e non le ritrovi...Insomma: l'argomento era per me un enigma prima, e lo rimane anche dopo la lettura.Limite mio! Forse due sole stelline sono ingenerose. Ma onestamente non me la sono sentita di darne di più.

No issues from the seller. Was recommended this book but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.

A truly terrible book which has nothing whatsoever to say about male sexuality and everyone to say, in its over opinionated psycho babble way on male sexuality. To summarise.1. It’s all their mother’s fault - yes, if men are abusive, if they are crap lovers, blame the mothers for being either over-protective, under protective, loving too much, loving too little.2. Men should be able to fantasise whatever they want - that’s right: children, rape fantasies - the works - its just fantasy don’t you know. Forget that fantasies lead to realities, the author clearly has issues.3. It’s all the wives/girlfriends fault. Man has fantasies (e.g. rape) wife does not want to play out fantasies - marriage fails - all her fault.4. Fantasies - however gross are, according to author, healthy.5. Sadly, for real human beings, and for women men - according to this book - don’t need love or affection - they just need to fantasise freely - of course they MIGHT have real human feelings but they don’t because (see 1) their mothers screwed them up.