How to Win Friends and Influence People

I would like to begin the review by stating I have always found the title of this book incredibly off-putting. I understand that it is meant to draw a customer’s attention, but the title, to me, does not at all represent the product. This book is not a self-help book for people who want to make friends. It is a book that reiterates the basic tenants of leadership in a work environment. Point being, don’t let the kitsch title keep you from giving this book a chance, there is good information here. My father handed this book to me when I was a young adult and I was about to make the leap into the working world. He told me that it held the keys to effective leadership. I bucked against reading it for a while before finally relenting (I was a precocious teenager and obviously already knew everything the world had to offer), and again, the title of the book seriously repelled me. Since initially relenting, I have now read this book multiple times throughout the years, and it never fails to pull me back into reality. From time to time I even find myself subconsciously summarizing Carnegie while hosting leadership training or while mentoring my workers. This almost always prompts me to pick the book back up again. (I really enjoy reading through all of the notes I've scribbled in the margins over the years. It's always an interesting dive into your own subconscious through the ability to see such a time capsule: what is basically a time-stamped example of opinions and the ever-changing priorities of your own ideals. That is neither here nor there though; my love for actual physical books as well as my preference for writing my responses and opinions all over the pages is not really relevant to this review. Just a tangent.) What I find so intriguing about Carnegie's concepts are that they are so obviously all just common sense. There are absolutely *zero* revelations here. You will learn nothing new about interpersonal relationships, leadership, or mentorship; every new chapter that you embark on is so 'in-your-face' obvious that you almost want to smack your own forehead like an over-dramatic soap opera star; stating "OF COURSE". Despite this fact; (I personally feel) it really is important to read all of these *truths* of life... ironically enough, exactly because they are such common sense statements: ** The "well, duh" aspect of Carnegie's "rules" is the very same trait that allows us to breeze right on past them in our daily life. ** Because every single one of these "rules" is a statement that we all assume to be an innate and universally understood fact of human life, they are never actually in the forefront of our minds. This means that they become almost immediately forgettable because we already understand them to be true - and therefore we assume that they already inform our behavior; but in reality, we have simply acknowledged them as truth and stuffed them into a tiny little corner of our memory. Reading Carnegie's book shines a spotlight onto that corner, blows the mounds of dust off these ideas, and prompts us to compare our recent behaviors against these "known" truths. This is the reason why I have read Carnegie's book so many times. For me, it almost feels like re-orienting your personal compass. No matter how many times I pull these rules to the forefront of my consciousness, because of their nature as such obvious truths, they always subtly begin to slip back into the recesses of my mind. I like to pull out this book every so often and give my brain a nice jolt. There is no need to even sit down and read the entire book at once, it is organized as a list that is already categorized into sections relative to specific sub-tasks involved in interpersonal communication. “How to Win Friends and Influence People” is one of Warren Buffett’s favorite books, so if you’re a working professional that’s probably enough to pique your interest. It was originally written in 1937 and draws key wisdom from the lives of Abraham Lincoln and contemporary psychology of the time, namely the works of Sigmund Freud. Despite this, the information remains relevant - which I find to be quite a feat. Many of the statements Carnegie makes are actually reminiscent of Skinner’s operant conditioning, although I don’t believe he ever outright states this. To give a brief summary, the book is broken into segments titled: “techniques in handling people”, “ways to make people like you”, “win people to your way of thinking”, and “be a leader: how to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment”. Each of these segments includes chapters that explain the subsequent “rules” and provide interesting examples. Again, I would like to point out that this is not a book for people looking to make friends; despite one of some of the segment titles, such as: “ways to make people like you”, it does not preach methods of fostering friendships - instead this particular segment is pertinent to leadership because of Carnegie’s statement earlier on that: people will never do anything unless they actually *want* to do so. This is a truth of life; you can use your position of power to compel (force) a person into completing a task, but unless you create an actual want or desire within that person, they will cease their actions as soon as that power is removed (or you turn your back). Thus, the segment about making people like you provides rules that are geared toward earning your worker’s trust and respect so that they actually want to work for you, vice using your position of power to essentially strong-arm them into doing your bidding. Here are the segments and rules: Techniques in Handling People: Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain. Give honest and sincere appreciation. Arouse in the other person an eager want. Six Ways to Make People Like You: Become genuinely interested in other people. Smile. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely. Win People to Your Way of Thinking: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “you’re wrong”. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. Begin in a friendly way. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires. Appeal to the nobler motives. Dramatize your ideas. Throw down a challenge. Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment: Begin with praise and honest appreciation. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. Let the other person save face. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.” Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest. Again, this all seems like common sense when you read it, but in practice it does become much more difficult to stick to - especially when you personally are put-off (or simply just dislike) one or some of the people that you work with on a daily basis. It’s also difficult to remember that you are not always the person in the position of power; often you are on the other end of these situations and must give up the controlling position in the conversation - let them lead. It’s key to keep in mind (and Carnegie reiterates this) that no matter what situation you walk into, whether you are the person who is leading the change, or whether you are the person who needs to undergo change, the person with whom you are conversing ALWAYS believes that they are superior to you in some way. It does not matter how exceptional or horrible their work performance may be, they truly and sincerely believe that they are the superior person even if they do not state this, and even if they pander to you as if you are someone they look up to. Carnegie also emphasizes how important it is to avoid arguments. He states that even if you “win” an argument you are still the loser. The results are all negative. You never want to humiliate a person, you will loose the trust and respect that you’ve worked to build. He quotes and old saying “A man convinced against his will/Is of the same opinion still”; meaning they may relent in the moment, but in actuality you may have solidified their original opinion by putting them in a position to defend it. Its quite difficult to avoid arguments because it’s human nature to meet aggression with aggression - we have to consciously make the choice to sit back and let a person release their ill-will without meeting them there. Take that verbal beating! The biggest point I always get from reading this book is how paramount and fragile the human ego is. It’s the driving factor behind the opinions and actions of every human on earth. At the end of the way, everyone is concerned with themselves. There are no truly selfless acts, someone is always “getting something” (fulfilling some need) from their actions, even if it is simply a feeling of importance or happiness. Every single person on earth is starved for attention and/or recognition in some way. They want to be seen, no matter if they are willing to admit this to others (or even to themselves). If you can fulfill that need for them, you’ve got them. It is so key to simply make it known that “I see you”. Anyway, I know this is a long and winding review, but my points are thus: if you are looking for a self-help book that will provide teachings on how to make friends, this is not for you. If you are a working professional who is, or may be placed into, a position of leadership - this book is definitely for you. Even if you do not think you need any advice (because you’ve obviously already the best!), this book is priceless. It not only provides you insight into your own actions, but gives you a window into the actions and choices of those you work with/for. As stated, we are not always the main player in a situation, sometimes we are the person that this book talks about dealing with. Sitting back and letting the other person take charge (while understanding where they are coming from) also makes us better workers. Everyone is both a subordinate and a leader; everyone has someone else they answer to. A full birds-eye view of the situation can only provide us with more tools for our toolbox!

Its a great read that shows you different ways to approach various situations you will come across. I would recommend this book to anyone that has to deal with interacting with people on a daily basis. Must read for anyone wanted to get better in their communication skills.

How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie is one of the most influential books I have ever read. It is a classic that has helped millions of people achieve success and happiness in their personal and professional lives. The book is based on Carnegie’s extensive research and experience in human relations, psychology, and communication. It teaches you how to interact with people effectively, how to persuade them to your point of view, how to handle conflicts and criticism, and how to become a leader and a friend. The book is divided into four parts, each containing several chapters that explain a specific principle or technique. The principles are simple, practical, and easy to apply. They are illustrated with stories and examples from Carnegie’s own life and from the lives of famous and successful people, such as Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt, Benjamin Franklin, and others. Some of the principles that I found most useful and powerful are: Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain. Instead, try to understand and appreciate the other person’s point of view and feelings. Become genuinely interested in other people. Show them respect and attention, and they will like you and trust you. Smile. A smile is a simple but powerful way to express your friendliness and warmth, and to make a good first impression. Remember that a person’s name is the sweetest and most important sound in any language. Use it often and correctly, and you will make the person feel important and valued. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves, and listen attentively and empathetically. This will make them feel understood and respected, and they will open up to you more. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests. Find out what the other person cares about, and talk about it. This will make them feel that you share their interests and values, and they will be more receptive to your ideas and suggestions. Make the other person feel important, and do it sincerely. Praise their achievements, recognize their efforts, and express your gratitude and appreciation. This will boost their self-esteem and confidence, and they will be more willing to cooperate and help you. These are just some of the many valuable lessons that I learned from this book. I have applied them in my personal and professional life, and I have seen amazing results. I have improved my relationships with my family, friends, and colleagues. I have become more confident, persuasive, and influential. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to improve their communication and interpersonal skills, and to achieve success and happiness in life.

How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie is basically the ultimate "cheat sheet" for getting along with others and getting people to see things your way without being a jerk about it. Instead of using manipulation, Carnegie focuses on simple habits like listening more than you talk, genuinely praising others, and avoiding useless arguments that just make people defensive. It’s written in very plain, conversational language with plenty of old-school stories that show why being kind and curious is actually the most powerful way to succeed in both your job and your personal life.

I was drawn to this book after reading in Warren Buffett's biography that it was a book he found hugely influential in his own success with dealing with people. Mr. Buffett had countless friends and influenced as many people as anyone in his lifetime, so I had to read it. I was not disappointed, this book has the eloquent writing style that was prominent in the 1930's (the first edition was written in 1936)very charming and well written, it is a delight to read. I really wished I would have read this book twenty years ago. I would have had a much smoother journey through my business career and personal relationships, but alas later is better than never and I look forward to putting what I learned in place for the next fifty years. Hear is how you win people to your way of thinking in a nutshell. How do you get the best of an argument? Avoid them at all costs, they are not worth the price. Always show respect for others opinions. Never, ever, say "You are wrong." This gains you nothing. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. This is biblical from the mouth of Jesus, no less. Begin all encounters with people in a friendly way. Always get the other person saying yes, by finding common ground. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking, this is perceived as having great listening skills. Let the other person feel that the idea that you are presenting is his or hers. This is a skill. It is crucial to honestly see things from the other person's point of view. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires. Appeal to the nobler motives. Dramatize your ideas to make them unforgettable and convincing. Throw down a challenge, something for the other person to live up to. This appeals to the ego and desire to be important. A leader's job includes changing people's attitudes and behavior. Here is how to be a leader in a nutshell. Always begin with praise and honest appreciation. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly and very discreetly. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. Let the other person save face, give them a way out. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. Use encouragement to get results. Make any fault seem easy to correct. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest. This is an excellent book within the realm of learning, developing, and using people skills. So many of us lack this level of tact and finesse, most of us would do well to read this book and put its principles into action. I believe all readers will get the money spent on this book back a thousand times over in the value it adds to your life if you put these principles in action and refer back to it before important conversations take place in your life. I give this book five stars and two thumbs up.

In his book, Dale Carnegie writes of ways we should treat each other, ways that should come naturally to us but don't always do. He reminds us that treating the people we come in contact with genuine, heartfelt respect is essential in life. I'm so glad to have finally read this book. It would have done me a great service to have read it much sooner. I highly recommend this book to one and all. It causes the reader to pause and wonder, "How do I treat others?"

This is an extremely powerful book. If taken seriously, it can transform the way you view each and every social interaction with another living being. A couple of points: 1st: The thing is, if not careful, this book can quickly turn into 'How to manipulate others, have it backfire, and be miserable." Friendships are two way streets, this book only shows you your way. Don't get upset when you're putting in your half, gain a friend, and realize your new friend isn't a very nice one. Making friends is a marathon, not a sprint. But I know most of the personalities who pick up this book hold the idea that it's a friendship cookbook of some sort. 2nd: There's a reason why some people are born with the gift of being extremely likable, and why others read about it. Some people LIKE other people with all of their goodness and their baggage. Once they make friends, they keep them, no resentment, no expectations of the other person, and no trying to change them. Those of us who have to read this book to become likable, unfortunately inevitably end up falling into one of these last groups, and then grow angry with our new friends, ourselves for befriending these people, and with the book for putting us in this position. 3rd: The book tells you in the beginning how it's really not a quick read, and if you really want to learn, it isn't. You should take it in, and ponder ways on how to apply these lessons to your life. I was whole-heartedly planning on reading this in 2-3 days maximum. Then I realized every page and example had a profound effect on me. I had to stop and absorb all of the information, apply it to a lot of my previous, present, and future relationships with people. I recommend it to anyone willing to take it serious, and if not, I'd recommend it to anyone simply because it's an all-time favorite. 4th: As for influencing people...it's an art. We cannot read one cook-book and think we're chefs, nor can we read this book and think we are the masters of social interaction. Once you make friends, you will face hardships regardless of how likable you are. This is not a step-by-step manual on how to deal with these hardships, moreso a variety of tactics to help manage these difficult situations. It's up to you determine WHEN and HOW to apply them. Every situation is different, and you must execute this advice with tact, class, and poise. Last note: lead by example (saved you 25% of the book). You cannot and will not get anyone to do anything that you yourself can't or won't do. People are spontaneous, and unpredictable; some people are angry, disloyal, vengeful, and traumatized, this advice is more likely to help in these cases, but they are not bulletproof. Having yourself as a backup plan never fails, be your own best friend during these times. It's the key to your happiness. Overall, I really enjoyed this book. Dale makes an emphasis that when using his advice, your words and actions should be meaningful, thus leaving you with at least the peace of mind that you're not being fake, even if you end up making a whole bunch of friends that aren't so nice. I purchased the kindle version of this book, but will definitely by a physical copy for my library as well!

How to Win Friends and Influence People is one of those books that lives up to its reputation in terms of core ideas, even if the presentation feels a bit dated. The biggest strength is how practical the advice is. It focuses on simple but powerful principles like listening more, showing genuine interest in others, avoiding criticism, and making people feel valued. These ideas are straightforward, but they are explained in a way that makes you reflect on how you interact with people in everyday life. A lot of the book is built around real-life examples, which helps reinforce the concepts, although some of the stories feel a bit repetitive or old-fashioned by today’s standards. It is less about modern social dynamics and more about fundamental human behavior, which is why the advice still works even decades later. Overall, it’s a solid foundational book for communication and relationships. Not flashy or complex, but genuinely useful if you apply the principles consistently.

U have to read

Dit boek geeft je praktische handvatten waardoor mensen jou sneller mogen. De informatie is duidelijk en goed gestructureerd. Wat ik vooral waardevol vind: er worden concrete voorbeelden gegeven en de theorie wordt op een toegankelijke manier uitgelegd.

One of the best self-improvement books I've read. The principles are simple, practical, and still relevant today. It helped me improve my communication, become a better listener, and understand people more effectively. A must-read for students, professionals, and anyone who wants to build meaningful relationships.

Some chips and damages here and there but the book is in mint condition.

Beyond doubt this book has been of considerable value and influence in my life. I've owned it in various editions and formats over the years and have consistently applied the principles countless times in numerous situations, and they’ve always proven to be effective, as they are as relevant today as they were when the book was first written. Basically, it’s timeless wisdom for getting the best out of social interactions and getting folk on side. As such, there’s a myriad of possibilities for use, and it works just as well for face-to-face interactions as it does for telephone conversations and online exchanges. It isn’t manipulative in the sense of trying to take an unfair advantage over one’s fellow man or woman, nor is it for lonely people who struggle to make friends (although they will likely benefit from reading the book). All it is is a set of courtesies and respect for others, with the planned outcome being that everyone benefits. Although it’s basically common sense, it’s common sense spelled out because as universal as these principles are, not everyone understands or utilises them. To me it’s a roadmap for a relatively smooth ride through life. Naturally, not everybody responds the same, and in some cases it will fall on deaf ears, but for the greater majority of time it will work wonderfully well. The book was originally written in 1937 but this is the revised edition. Nevertheless, the examples are still somewhat dated, with names and situations modern readers may not be familiar with, but the principles work and can be used with family, friends, co-workers, and the people who provide our daily products and services. In fact, they can’t not work because they’re based on how we fundamentally interact and relate to each other. It stands to reason that when we do so in a pleasant and civilised manner we’ll always get better results than we would if we’re hostile, self-serving or small-minded. As stated, much of it is common sense, but I resolutely believe the book still has considerable merit because there’s thirty-seven principles here; some of which may not be immediately obvious or may be overlooked (or may even be avoided because we don’t realise how much impact they could have). Also, although the examples belong to yesteryear, they still clearly expound the principles and show how and why they’re applicable to real-world situations. Regarding that, please note that there’s a modern version of the book available aimed at today's readership entitled How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age by Dale Carnegie Training. I have it as well, but still prefer the charm and style of the original. Finally, the book is composed of easily-digestible and manageable chunks, and this Kindle edition is nicely formatted. As far as I’m concerned, it’s a book for life that has served me well, that has been well and truly tested and proven to work.