The Assertiveness Guide for Women: How to Communicate Your Needs, Set Healthy Boundaries, and Transform Your Relationships Paperback – August 1, 2016

Loved this Audible book so much I bought the hard-copy and the work book. It has best practices, processes, and exercises to help you be more assertive professionally and in your personal relationships.

Wow if there was ever a book that was supposed to serve as a guide for women for gain any sort of assertiveness in their lives – THIS BOOK IS IT !!!The basic problem for women is that for too long women have allowed their past, specifically their lives as a child, to control who they are today. Dr. Julie de Azevedo Hanks has done a marvelous job in creating a pyramid of information to help women is this predicament, beginning telling what the difference between assertive and not being it.The author’s experience not only as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker [LCSW] but as a Psychotherapist lends itself perfectly to her readers what they need to gain the assertiveness they’re looking for.Instead of merely telling her readers this is what they must do or not do, she asks them to reflective on their lives and to look at the past events they’ve experienced from different angles so they can try to: have more clarity in their lives, more compassion towards others and how to connect with them more effectively, increased calmness when the situations warrant it, and most important an increase in the confidence they have about themselves. In order to attempt this, the book contains exercises which I feel are not to arduous to do.Being a child of the 1950’s, if was a song which would epitomize what this book is trying to do for women, then it would have to be “I Am Woman” by Helen Reddy. If you’re not familiar with this song here are some of the lyrics:I am woman, hear me roarIn numbers too big to ignoreAnd I know too much to go back an' pretend'Cause I've heard it all beforeAnd I've been down there on the floorNo one's ever gonna keep me down again[Chorus:]Oh yes I am wiseBut it's wisdom born of painYes, I've paid the priceBut look how much I gainedIf I have to, I can do anythingI am strong (strong)I am invincible (invincible)I am womanYou can bend but never break me'Cause it only serves to make meMore determined to achieve my final goalAnd I come back even strongerNot a novice any longer'Cause you've deepened the conviction in my soulAs you can probably see there’s no way I can’t give this book the 5 STARS it so richly deserves.

First, I am the type of reader who reads the one-star reviews first, so I would say I am a skeptical consumer. I'm a man by both identity and biology. I've read well over fifty behavioral science books; this one is particularly good, so much so that it's the only one for which I've decided to submit a review. Much of it is material found in many other works, but what makes this one stand out is the sheer pragmatism with which it was constructed. I believe this book is as close as it comes to being a one-stop source of guidance for how to improve relationships and one's own general wellbeing. It's just my opinion; draw your own conclusions. The book is marketed as being for women but it's absolutely 100% applicable for men, I might even boldly venture that men might get even more out of it. Anyway, big kudos on this one. My criticism is the same as I usually have for any such book, that being my belief that considering people come from so many walks of life and so many different circumstances that one cannot have too many different examples. Strongly biased toward American culture, but it's written by someone practicing in the United States, so take it as you will. The book is fairy short but dense.

I am working on emotional eating issues and the book I was reading to help with that suggested that working on assertiveness helps with emotional eating issues. I learned so much in this book and her writing style was a great fit for me. I have started using some of the strategies in the book regarding boundaries and I absolutely love the explanation of the Lantern Stance when it comes to asserting myself with others.This book brought clarity to me about assertiveness and is a practical guide to help me voice my boundaries instead of stuffing my feelings and stomping away. These techniques will be helpful in my relationships. I am so glad I bought this resource. Thank you for writing it!

Hanks defines communication that is assertive as that which is clear, confident, and self-assured. Also, it involves the courage to express difference. Women need training in this communication because we have generally been socialized to be nice, compliant, and relationship oriented, while boys are generally socialized to be independent and strong and encouraged to speak up. Girls are also historically taught that they should take care of others and be self-sacrificing. Most assuredly, this was my training in the Panhandle of Texas in the 40s and 50s. This book serves as a workbook. At the end of informational sections, she asks questions that invite self-reflection, i.e., What stories are told about you as a young child? How would you describe your relationship with your father? with your mother? She looks at the three styles of attachment and at the three ways of self-expression. A very useful self-help book.

This book has helped me to be more aware of how I speak and how I hold myself back. I've gained confidence and know more about myself. I've also learned how and when to self-advocate.