Living on Automatic: How Emotional Conditioning Shapes Our Lives and Relationships Hardcover – 3 August 2018

I've always enjoyed evaluating my responses to various situations and people, and observing how other people respond to various approaches. Drs. Martin and Adams have provided a completely new perspective from which to evaluate those responses. I've tended to view others in terms of traits that I think of as hard-wired into the individual, but this book presents the categories into which people fall as roles are conditioned to assume from birth. It lays out the two roles into which all people fall, to varying degrees, explains the characteristics of those roles, how we're conditioned by our parents to assume those roles from birth (and how, once we've received our initial conditioning, other people in different roles tend to reinforce that conditioning), how we can decondition ourselves from some of the more harmful consequences of either of the two roles into which we might fall, and how we can refrain from unconsciously automatically conditioning our children or others over whom we have influence.The book is provides many helpful scenarios of case studies to help the reader understand the concept being explained. Each chapter ends with a summary of key points for reinforcement and/or a quick summary. One of the beauties of this book to me is that it's so solidly based on logic. It makes it clear that people CAN improve their lives by consciously altering the way they interact with others and provides an understanding of why other people assume the roles that they do. This book has earn a place with my select favorite self-improvement/self-understanding books. This book warrants re-reading at some point to pick up some of the points earlier in the book that will take on a new level of meaning when they're read in light of some of the information that came later in the book.

This is an amazing book and it brings into laymen terms who we are and why we react the way we do. The emotional conditioning set by our parents which starts before birth, can shape us for a lifetime. It can unknowingly impede so many of our relationships. The theory brought forth in this book, gives the reader a chance to think and reevaluate their responses and reactions within those relationships. The way the material is presented is quite good with information, examples, questions to ask of yourself, and chapter summaries. The chapter summaries make it easier to re-read areas to reflect more deeply. The author doesn't just stop at giving information. Drs. Adams and Martin offer techniques on how to resolve the automatic conditioning with hope for healthier relationships. This book is a breath of fresh air even if it causes us to look into a cracked mirror - a mirror that doesn't have to remain.

Interesting and thought provoking. A down to earth read — easy to follow. Very well written. Highly recommend.

If you're looking for a deeper understanding of your personality this book offers a unique and easily comprehendible theory. Written by two psychologists with years and thousands of hours of experience, working with both adults and children, this book will help you to examine your own interactions with yourself and others. I found this book easy to read even with the depth of material offered. The bullet-point summaries and reflection questions at the end of the chapters were very helpful. Major points are highlighted throughout the chapters which makes reviewing previously read material easier. Case studies help to bring the theory to life.

The overarching theme of ‘Living on Automatic’ is Know Thyself,the famous quote coined by Socrates. Inherent in his mind wasthe idea that we must be cognizant of what we don’t know. Thisancient truth is exactly what the authors, both seasoned psychiatrists,are trying to convey to readers. In short, our emotional conditioningfrom early childhood on has embedded long-standing thoughts,perceptions, and ways of relating to others which can inhibit andeven destroy our relationship with others. Thus, one must undertakea deep and probing analysis into their unique and personal behavioralconditioning. This self scrutiny is necessary since what has beenlearned behavior for many decades is largely now Unconscious,ultimately leading to automatic and repetitive responses.From my point of view, this is not a self-help book. It is a work book.And help is on the way. Most chapters have lists of questions to askyourself to begin the journey of self introspection. For example:What conditions create happiness for you? What was your experienceIn school? Do you anticipate the future with optimism?The real gem in the book is part three where the authors describe the“deconditioning process.” As they posit: “Observing, questioning andthinking are the keys….” in your relationship to those whom you caremost about.Go on this journey with Drs. Martin and Adams to a more fulfilling, lessstressful, and transformative life.Marty