Della: A Memoir of My Daughter

I personally know what drug abuse will do to a family. My brother, father and other family members died from drugs, and I will be the first one to state that no matter what you do as you try to save somebody trapped in this self-destructive brakeless car, nothing is enough, something isn't the right thing to try, something else would have been better to try. Having said that, I have extreme sympathy for Mr. Barris, as he puts down in words the destruction of his daughter Della, and her eventual death at the age of 36 to cocaine, alcohol, HIV symptoms, and, in my opinion, a lifetime of not enough care and too damned much money. Chuck Barris, of course, is the Godfather of American game shows, and he will be remembered for among others, The Gong Show, The Dating Game and The Newlywed Game. This guy saw reality tv forty years before everyone else, and there's no denying that he is a genius. But a good father - I lost count of how many times, in these pages, Mr. Barris describes Della Od'ing, being homeless from her habit, being beaten and abused by those around her, being arrested, all the usual things that go along with being a junkie, and these very harrowing recollections would end with Mr. Barris writing, "What could I do? I didn't know, so I did nothing." Wow. We know the man is brilliant, and we know he is a hard worker. We don't know as much about Della's mother, but both parents come off, throughout the book, to put it bluntly, as self-absorbed idiots. Barris is irritated he has to go to the hospital after his daughter has Od'd (at the age of fourteen) because it took him out of an industry shmoozefest; he makes it a point to mention that he shows up in his tuxedo. I don't know whether he was trying to relay how quickly he walked out to get to his daughter's side, but it comes across, on page, as This guy shouldn't have been anywhere but trying to figure out what in the hell was going on with his obviously desperately adrift child. The book hits sour notes here and there as we see what a petty man Mr. Barris can be; he seems to actually move from a home because he doesn't like his neighbors, and that's no exaggeration. Masybe we're not all like me - if somebody's on my nerves, I go and tell them to stay on the other side of the street, and that's that. Mr. Barris seems so wary of any sort of confrontation that you wonder how he became the legend he is in the entertainment field - maybe it was a case of having to be such a shark at work that there was nothing to give at home, I don't know. He insults Della more than once, suggesting that her behavior seems to be that of a 'retarded person'- his words, not mine, and ones I take offense to, having a mentally disabled son -, and he seems surprised that anyone would buy the paintings Della turns out in her later years to earn money, after she's blown through a million dollar trust fund. As his own shows prove, what is one man's treasure is another man's garbage, and he more than anyone should be intelligent and mature enough to recognize that there is always an audience for anything offered, even a drug-addicted troubled woman's paintings of pain and regret. It is very, very hard to feel compassion toward Mr. Barris - all that money, connections, etc. and he could do, according to him, NOTHING for his daughter? Uh-uh. One feels for him, but one feels much more for Della, who may have been born into money but not much else, if this memoir is accurate: She was given a million dollars and tossed out into the world, without common sense, guidance, even fair warning of what the real world could be like. Some people need watching over, taking care of, and it is clear to the complete stranger that this was Della; why did her parents not see this, or did they just not want to see? I do give Mr. Barris props for admitting, throughout the book, that he should have done something, but my god, did it really take his only child dying for him to realize that? If he knew this before Della was completely beyond his grasp, if he knew he could have done something before she was gone, well, I don't think that this book is going to help him sleep any better at night, at all.

Mr. Barris bares his soul, his pain, his grief and his mistakes with his only daughter, Della. I found this to be an incredibly brave account of Barris's relationship with his daughter. He admits to being caught up in his own life, but sadly Della chooses drugs at a young age. Once captured by the cycle of addiction, Della doesn't have the strength to live her life without them.Della is a girl and then a woman in pain. She wants and needs her parents and finds them unavailable. She is given educational opportunities, financial support, and plenty of trinkets. Mr. Barris seems to think that if she had received more guidance and love that she may not have self-destructed. Possibly. But life is not a movie script. In the real world, love cannot fix everything.For me the stand-out story is of Della at age 10 skiing fearlessly in Switzerland. That was her approach to life: thrill-seeking.I sincerely hope Mr. Barris can forgive himself for not being a perfect father and not torture himself with guilt over Della's death.

Exactly a month ago Chuck Barris died. I learned that about a week ago when I was in the process of reading Della. I in fact ordered this just a day earlier than Mr. Barris passed away. A very interesting book, a very heartbreaking book. I remember watching the Gong Show in the 70's and thinking his daughter was such a lovely young lady (4 years older than me). Just cute as a bug's ear. I read the reviews of this awhile back, and I was interested but reading some of the details of her life...Wow, just Wow. The plastic surgery and all that, WHY??? And as much as it was hard reading about those 2 thugs that beat and robbed her, I kind of think that she reaped that after she had done similar to a girl in her school (especially after her forced and hollow apology). Rest in peace Della, I still think of you as a beautiful girl on the inside, even though you got dealt a bad hand. And Chuck, RIP as well. You brought alot of happiness to alot of people as well as making a beautiful daughter.

This was a tough book to read. It was sad, it was tragic, it made me angry in many places -- at ALL of the characters, there were no innocent parties in this. A largely absent father, a mother seemingly preoccupied by other things, and a daughter that learned early on how to manipulate. I didn't see the author as uncaring -- just not completely sure how to combine success in business with success in parenting -- and either unwilling or unable to provide intervention early enough to make a difference. It was not a happy read at all -- on the other hand, the writing was excellent, in portraying it as it was without sugar-coating and without attempting to absolve himself from responsibility. It's gritty, dark and real.

I personally knew her, she was one of my best friends. after my family moved us out of California to Hawaiiwe lost touch.Not like these days with internet and Face Book. Boy wouldn't that of been great. I never knew she had such troubles, we always had a great time. She lived with her Mom and her Dad was always part of the fun.I'm bummed and mad she fell with the drug crowd. Divorce sucks for kids.The Book was a good read, I learned even more than she ever talked about. She didn't like much talking about her family.We just always had a great time tons of Laughs. she had a car at 16 a CJ7 or 5 Jeep. she picked me up everyday for school.we used to go up in the hills of Hollywood & Mulholland to go off roading, man did we have fun.I Love You Della and I will always think of how you made my life so much better. xoxoxo