Relationships: A Mess Worth Making

Picture this: as you enter the garden shed, you see a light beam coming through a hole. You can clearly the light beam against the dark background and how the particles of dust are flying about. As you move inside and trace along the light beam, you are led to see the source of light. You can no longer see the light beam on its own, you see the Sun and in it you see everything.This is an imagery by C S Lewis which I feel may help explain my impression of the book. In a nutshell, I feel the vision provided by the book is restrictive, as in seeing the light beam in the shed; it doesn’t move beyond the confine of the shed and help me trace along the light beam to see the Son. It does make statements about the wider visions beyond our immediate situation and life, for examples: ‘she should see them in the context of the whole picture, which includes who she is in Christ;’ ‘there has been a radical change in the core of our being;’ ‘God’s work is driven by an agenda so much grander than simply making our lives better;’ ‘imagination enlarges life into what can be adored.’ But it does not substantiate them. Yes, bible passages are quoted but at times, they are not expounded. We are encouraged to see the light in the context of our life and situation rather than the other way round. Therefore we see emitted light from Christ here and there and we fail to build a full picture of Christ. We want to come into the Sun/Son so that our whole being is being illuminated, not just aspects of our life each time.I find the book tries to appeal to us with reason and persuasion rather than conviction. A lot relies on how we should think about the situation and what we should do. Is this the means of lasting transformation? For the unregenerate’s eye, the Bible can read like a moral code and appeal us as such. But then we know that does not save. The book reads also too much like Golum in the Lord of the Rings with two minds constantly debating with one another. In Christian life, we do wrestling with God and I am not sure if the book shows us that at all. Why are we wrestling with God and not just ourselves? Because in Christ, we are a new creation; the old has passed and the new has come.The work of the Spirit is stated but not elaborated. It reads like ‘we’ are the key players in this process. For example: ‘They don’t have to resort to speaking words that hurt,; they can speak words that heal. They don’t have to succumb to disappointment, bitterness and vengeance; they can choose to be patient, kind, forgiving, and compassionate….’ I wish we could. What is the enabling factor; how does He work? That seems to be the core point, isn’t it? How do we abide in Christ?The book does talk about enlarging our imaginations. ‘He has provided simple means that stimulate and enlarge their imagination to see what they need to see. These means are prayer, truth, fellowship, worship, and the sacraments.’ Where is the Bible? Right, it carries on to have this to say about it: ‘Bible study and personal reading fall flat when we miss what Bible study and reading are meant to do. They are intended to be a means, not an end. The purpose of Bible study is to give me a vision of the God who is my Saviour and with whom I am in relationship. Bible study is intended to stimulate worship, but so often it is focused on theology and rules’ But if the purpose of Bible study is to know God, this is theology, is it not? Please do not despise theology which is the foundation of our relationship with God and therefore our transformation. Please do not attempt to derive your own theology either. Let’s join hands in learning and knowing the one true God.While Christ speaks into every single situation of ours, I don’t believe the way of access is through learning a list for each situation. Rather every time we wrestle with God in our situation, the Spirit’s work is to get us to know Christ more intimately. Over time through the refining process and training, we increasingly acquire the mind of Christ which will then produce Christ-like response in whatever situations. The Bible does not say what we should or should not do in different situations, but describes who we should be once we are in Christ as manifested in our response to situations. Christian life is not about do this and don’t do that, but becoming who we should be. This may sound a subtle difference but it is a subtle difference that makes a world of difference. As long as we remain inside the shed, the emitted light beams are viewed as to fit our agenda. True obedience is not compliance when it appeals to us, but when it doesn’t. It is not that God is beyond reason but that at times His reason eludes our comprehension. In that case, we shall live by faith. Besides, sin is not just about sin of commission but also sin of omission. How are we going to learn to discern that if we stay in the shed?It does make some valid local points but I feel that it may have overlooked the global vision of Christian life and walk with Christ.

The authors provide thought provoking and challenging reflections on how we relate to others. They inspire and motivate based on the Lord Jesus’ words and actions, revealing how we so easily fall into the trap of seeking relationships that only benefit us, rather than seeing relationships—both comfortable and difficult—as opportunities to grow in Godliness, rely more on Jesus than ourselves, and deny ourselves for the glory of Christ.There are certain portions that become quite deep/repetitive, but no question that this book provides a really good reading that is sound in the Bible’s teachings.

Im a little unsure how i even found this book. However i got this when there was a free promotion.I am only on chapter 6. But i can honestly say that so far this is an amazing book. It deals with the root cause of conflict in any relationship. Rather than point a finger as those who may have caused pain. It actually convicts to look at how we are in every relationship that we have. And how we can do better.As i read this book. It has brought back to memory alot of things that i have been through in all types of relationships. And has caused me to reflect on how I could have dealt with those situations better.As children of God we are called to live at a stanard far higher than what we often do. We are created to live a Christ like lifestyle and this also includes in our relationships. Often when conflict comes we shy away. Instead of dealing with them in accordance to how the bible describes.Whilst this book has been written with hard hitting truths, it has been written in a very easy and understandable way.This is a must have book for anyone who wants to crucify the flesh and live a life with relationships that are Christ-Centred. Worth every penny.I fully intend on purchasing a paperback copy.

I appreciate that everything is linked back to contextual scripture and gave me a lot of thought provoking questions. This is more than just a “relationship” book but how we can see Jesus working in so many horizontal ways every time we look vertically. Very encouraging and would recommend!

The contents of the book surprised me... It contains a collection of thoughts and stories which are well crafted using sound biblical theology. I think you would need a certain level of Christian maturity to get the most out of it. It's not a '7 steps to healthy relationships' approach, but really tackles the complexities of living in a fallen world.

Highly recommended there is some life changing ideas in this book. Made a real impact on me. Real theology in practice

For those familiar with the author there are no surprises, but here is the teaching applied in everyday circumstances. Worth every page.

This is one of the most useful books I have read. Helps me understand complicated relationships.