It's Not You: How to Identify and Heal from NARCISSISTIC People (Vermilion) Paperback – 22 Feb. 2024

I’ve been super keen to receive Dr. Ramani’s book. I’ve been watching her videos for years. I had a breakdown and confided in my doctor who told me I was married to a covert narcissist. Her channel was recommended to me and I was astounded at how knowledgeable she is, describing the tactics and behaviour that narcissists use to manipulate, isolate and abuse their victims. I felt I was losing my mind but she taught me why narcissists behave the way they do and how to manage my reactions.Many people are unable to leave their relationship with the narcissist and she acknowledges that. Her wealth of knowledge as well as her compassion helps millions world wide. Advice is provided on how grey rocking works and the importance of not engaging. For those who can leave, she outlines what to expect when divorcing or leaving a relationship, the smear campaigns, hoovering tactics, flying monkeys and a whole lot more.She’s a very special lady, full of kindness and empathy. Her book and videos are valuable sources for anyone interested in learning about narcissism or how to help someone in a toxic, antagonistic relationship . She delivers her lectures with humour and sensitivity.I’m immensely grateful to have this amazing book that’s dedicated to helping us finding ourselves, coming out of the darkness and begin the journey towards healing and peace.Her expertise is beyond excellent, I can’t imagine what would have become of me had I not discovered her videos. Her book offers a wealth of insight, she is truly the best psychologist out there who really understands narcissism.

I was recommended this and I was a little sceptical.....I've read it 3 times, this book changed my life, it took a while to read through it as in my case, as it started to bring up specific examples from my own ex. This allowed me to work through those and helped me to process what had happened. This book allowed me to forgive myself for many things.Please read. You will absolutely learn not only how certain relationships affect you but how to look after your own wellbeing.

I would recommend this book to those who want to know what narcissistic abuse is. In identifying this complex abuse and learning to heal from it in whatever circumstances you’re in, this book as well as Dr Ramani’s YouTube channel will help you out. Just the book itself is filled with knowledge and is enough, it’s just that I think the Dr is good enough to invest more time into. I don’t say this lightly and there are many experts out there on narcissistic behaviour. She is the best one at least for me and so many others because she helps you as the target, victim, survivor, or whatever word you want to use. You may even be a friend of someone whom you feel is going through narcissistic abuse.The trouble with buzz words like narcissism is that they come from more awareness about the topic but then they are sometimes misused. So, it’s important to correctly identify what narcissism is, how narcissistic traits show up in a person, how it affects you and what narcissistic abuse is.Humans are complex and so are the perpetrators, even the enablers and the victims. We live in a world where people get easily offended but this is also how narcissism can fly under the radar because when it truly exists we adopt the narcissist’s defence. We tell people to be more resilient. However, there is a huge difference between being resilient and adoptable to a variety of healthy behaviour and actually blaming someone who is repeatedly harmed. Also as Dr Ramani says and in my own words, if it was as simple as leaving a relationship upon seeing the first or second warning sign people would. People stay because we are complex human beings who want to make relationships work and accept that we’re all imperfect. We keep trying but ultimately those who keep doing harm have had choices and choose to keep doing harm. Therefore, as many victims of narcissistic abuse feel guilty for leaving, or considering leaving and even talking about their relationship, I would remind them that they are acting in good faith.The book is worth buying and I wish libraries would stock it. Dr Ramani is providing a life changing service and like any person ought to be critiqued but I’d consider the source of such comments first. She strikes me as self aware and a person who would hold their hand up to their own flaws. She writes about narcissistic abuse and advises on it as she’s been through it. I went through it for decades and am not qualified like Dr Ramani to give the public advice but I do write about it on my sub stack. Just look up my name.

Such an incredibly helpful book in healing from narcissistic relationships, it has helped me so much in coming to terms with the confusion, grief and anxiety related to being discarded by someone I thought loved and adored me but turned abusive, cold, mean and cruel; it helped me see the relationship through new eyes and identify there had been warning signs I had ignored. Along with therapy and listening to Dr Ramani’s videos I am starting to climb out of the dark hole I felt I was in and I am so grateful for finding her work and support which I cannot recommend highly enough. I feel positive about the future now , even if I am alone for the rest of my life I know I can heal and be happy again.

Its good in the way that it gives you the reader empathy and compassion on what your going through with a narcissist individual. I like the way Ramani speaks to you like a supportive friend throughout the book, giving you lots of info along the way, about narc tendencies, repeatedly hammering in how the narc strategies to fool, gaslight, hoover you back in. She does it in a great way. My only slight critique is the book couldve been more concise, its like a narcissism dictionary, which is a good/bad thing, because i think it could be a little less repetitive and concise. its a slight problem with books in general i think. Overall, if you have problems with narcissist/narcissists in your life and maybe are a empathic person. Definitely buy the book its something i wish i had done sooner