The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Revised and Updated: Surviving Through and Recovering from the Five Stages That Accompany the Loss of Love Paperback – September 2, 2014

This book has been nothing but transformative, best book I have read and highly recommend to anyone going through abandonment.

Akeru "means 'to pierce, to open, to end, to make a hole in, to start, to expire, to unwrap, to turn over.' When someone leaves, akeru refers to the empty space that is created, the opening in which a new beginning can take place... to begin and to end are the same-part of one never-ending cycle of renewal and healing."Anderson's book goes through what she calls the Five Stages of Abandonment; these are Shattering, Withdrawal, Internalizing, Rage, and Lifting (SWIRL). In each chapter Anderson gives extensive background on how each stage works, comes from, etc. And at the end of each chapter is an exercise tailored to the stage that is meant to help grow from it. Towards the end of the book is an "Action Plan" that encourages one to get out there!Personally, I find the exercises to be almost of breath of fresh air for me. Although not difficult by any measure, they force one to use the moment as a starting point to heal. To not be stuck or stunted. To heal and grow. Is the process easy, no. Is the process not painful, ha. But there is a way to use one's abandonment as a starting point of becoming a better version of ourselves and to expand our capacity for love.Something to be aware is that each chapter about the stages are chunky so be prepared for a read. Also some reviews mention that this is a book for divorcees; I think this book can apply to anyone who has gone through abandonment. I've never been divorced and yet in some parts of this books it was like reading the exact thought process that has gone through my mind before.Overall, I think a good read.P.S. Another book that has helped me come to terms with my issues is Codependency For Dummies by Darlene Lancer. This book is more for those with extreme low self-esteem.

No other book has changed my life the way this one did. After a bad breakup a few years ago, I couldn't figure out WHY I couldn't move on and why it had affected me so much. Not only does this book normalize those feelings (which therapists had shamed me for in the past. "Just move on, etc."), it also includes small bits of scientific explanation of why your body and brain respond the way they do to a loss/abandonment. Also includes excerpts from real people who have gone through abandonment, and it makes you realize your experience isn't singular, it's a universal, human experience. Then she goes even further and gives you multiple things you can do on a daily basis to heal and come out on the other side even stronger. She does all of this using a very simple, easy to understand way of writing. Highly, highly recommend.

I was facing my partner leaving me and a crushing sense of sadness when I read this book and it was helpful to know that others also experience the pain I was going through and that things could be better. Overall I would highly recommend this book to those facing a devastating end of a relationship. She provides helpful strategies that you can work though on your own but also might find helpful particularly working with a therpist. A few minor notes: this is most appropriate for someone whose romantic relationship has ended. If you feel abandoned in another way, I’m not sure you will relate to the book as well since that is the main focus. Also the author frequently mentions weight and attractiveness in ways that might reinforce a sense that this is what makes people desireable. Of course all authors’ biases come through in writing and this is forgivable but something to keep in mind as you read. It stood out noticeably to me. Overall great book. I also strongly recommend her Black Swan book to read on its own or along with this one.

Interesting book

If you've had any kind of abandonment or loss of a relationship, this book is really important to read. It explains the feeling experiences of abandonment trauma, along with the neurological and biochemical processes of the abandonment experience: this is important to understand, for your own experience, or in trying to understand someone else who can't seem to get over the pain of a lost relationship. You're not crazy; your brain is responding as it was designed to do. It explains the stages of abandonment trauma, with wonderful examples from clients and workshop participants, and gives truly useful exercises for healing. This book is not shaming or critical, doesn't use facile labels like "love addict," and presents the material in an engaging and well-organized way. There's also a workbook, but I haven't started on it yet. I got this for myself, and I love it. I'm a psychotherapist, and have also recommended it to a few clients, all of whom report that it's helped them as well. I'm told that another book by the same author, Outer Child, is also great, and a helpful companion to this one.

I am really enjoying this book. It's helpful in seeing where abandonment wounds can affect so much of our life. I didn't think I had abandonment wounds (my parents didn't divorce, they didn't pass away when I was young...) but the book explains all of the ways a child can experience abandonment and how the survival mechanisms we employed as children rear their heads in less than helpful ways once we're adults, how to understand what we're feeling and our actions. This book also provides incredibly useful ways to work through these things. I did see reviews that mentioned that this book talks mostly about romantic relationships, however, all of the exercises in the book can be applied to any and all types of relationships. I've improved professional relationships after understanding how my abandonment wounds pop up EVERYWHERE. If you're looking to be your best self and you don't know where to start, this is a great place.