Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough

Please, please read this book. It may well save your romantic and familial life. It describes all the errors that modern women make in the dating game, and is seriously the only book you'll ever need.

This book hasn't even been released in the UK yet and it's already generating controversy for all the wrong reasons. I understand that the word 'Settling' is always going to cause a knee jerk reaction but in this case that would be a great shame.I run a relationship coaching website and for the past 10 years I've been running a program called Finding Mr Right so I'm paid to know a thing or two about what works in finding the man of your dreams. I got an advanced copy of 'Marry Him' and I'm thrilled that it's been written.Lori Gottleib is in no way setting the cause of women back decades. She is however laying out a few truths about what you may want to pay attention to if you're looking to find a guy that will be fun to be with, maybe have children with you if you want them and grow old with you. I've been teaching the same thing for years, women and men are often guilty of the same thing, looking for someone that meets a three page list of requirements that would make them perfect. The bizarre thing is that very few of the things on those lists actually qualify someone to love.This book isn't based on Gottlieb's opinions, she's done her homework and done serious research. So many of these books are just based on one persons experience, that is not the case here.We still have a divorce rate over 50% so even those who do get married rarely stay married. This book puts forward the case for making a much more intelligent choice of partner. You are not being told to settle for some bloke who you don't fancy and treats you badly just because he's available, that would be stupid and Gottlieb is clearly much smarter than that.What she is saying is that if you continue to make the mistake of having no clear idea of what it's going to take to make you happy the level of risk goes up as you get older. I don't think it's a secret but beyond the age of 35 the quality of available men drops as a lot of older guys seek younger women. This is hugely painful to women, I know because I get to listen to that pain. It's totally unfair but this is an ugly truth.The earlier you read this book the better, it's really very well written. A healthy relationship is about great chemistry for sure. It's also about things like empathy, optimism and forgiveness and those things are rarely on people's lists. Initially at least!

If you find it hard meeting the right guy, like me, this book will hopefully help. It's pretty straight forward...we like the bad boys ignore the nice guys etc....but good to know I'm not alone. Helps you think more clearly but putting it into action is a bigger step

Excellent book, very honest. Read it with an open mind and take an honest look at yourself. Bit depressing if you've hit 40 though!

jjunk

Gottlieb wrote a book that strikes a chord for many women in their thirties who, for one reason or another, haven't found the right life partner yet. She does it in a well informed way, without ever falling pray of self-pity. However, her biography testifies she doesn't actually believe what she's preaching, having not been able to stick around Mr Good Enough and even having decided to become a single mum instead. True there is a lot to be said about the paradox of choice, but the truth is not everybody can force a square peg in a round hole. And the fact that many people did it and failed in past generations is apparent in the number of "grey" divorces all over the West.

I had the misfortune of reviewing this for a magazine I write for, and was so horrified I had to ensure no-one else would have to read it.Gottlieb is basically advocating passionless marriages and urging us to "Settle!" with a hint of desperation that is alien to me (and, I suspect, any other self-respecting woman!) There is no justification for it.She writes "Marriage is not a passion-fest, it's a... small, mundane and often boring non-profit business."Unsurprisingly, given this attitude, Gottlieb is still single, which makes her an unusual candidate to advise the world on their love lives - not to mention a totally unqualified one.For the more romantic among us, for whom marriage is more than a mere arrangement/transaction to produce 2.4 children, her theories will make absolutely no sense and border on the nauseating.The reviewer above (who is probably a friend of hers) has made one critical mistake - she isn't saying "Settle for someone who isn't 100% perfect" but in fact says "Forget an intense connection" and advises that physical attraction, sexual chemistry and love are totally unimportant.Unbelievably, she says that sexual attraction can develop over time - nonsense.With an attitude that comes straight out of the Victorian era, she believes women are over the hill one they turn 30 and must immediately procreate, even if their partner is balding, penniless and ugly with few remaining brain cells or teeth. Trust me, I exaggerate only slightly!!It's unethical in my eyes to produce children without love, and it's better to be alone than endure the attentions of someone you don't have the aforementioned intense connections with.Just to prove I'm not a foggy-eyed twenty-something with naive romanticism, my 60-year old mother, who married for love, says exactly the same thing.he book is a waste of ink. My advice? Don't marry him and DEFINITELY DON'T read this book.